Hey Weebs,
I've been struggling with how to write this one and what to say. I'm currently in Michigan helping my best friend, your Uncle Jay, deal with the unbelievable and shocking loss of his wife Laura, who passed away last week.
Dealing with loss is hard, and it's even harder when it comes so unexpectedly. She was only 39 years old and she had four children, who are 9, 10, 17, and 19.
I've decided that there are three parts that I'd like to talk to you about.
Regret
One of the trickiest parts of loss can be the realization that you have regrets. They can come in a lot of forms. You might wish that you had appreciated the person who is gone more while they were with you. You might wish that you had spent more time with them or that you had taken the time to let them know just how important they are to you.
Regret will always be there no matter what you do. None of us are perfect, so that is the first thing to make sure that you tell yourself.
But you can also make an effort, every day, to maximize your efforts to combat these potential regrets. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in everyday things in life. But if you take the time to focus on the things that really matter every day, you will never regret the time you spend doing that.
Tell the people in your life that you life them. More importantly, show them by making a real effort to spend quality time with them every day.
Grief
It hurts, Weebs. It hurts to have a part of your life, someone important to you, taken away before their time.
But when you think about the pain, you should remember that it comes from happiness. You can't have grief without love. Terrible pain and grief at the loss means that you were given wonderful love and happiness by the person who is gone. It's not easy, but focusing on that love can help to ease the pain.
Being there
As hard as it is to do when you're consumed by grief, you need to try to remember that there are other people in the world who still love you and care for you. There are others who are hurting at the loss as well and who want to share their love and comfort with you.
The temptation to retreat away and hide is strong, and sometimes it can even be the best thing to do. But, at other times, you should just let yourself be comforted and supported by those people.
Weebs, it's never easy, and you should remember that there is never a right or wrong way to grieve. These are just some ideas flashing through my mind while I try my best to help.
I love you.
Dad
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Your Name
Liam,
So, I imagine that by the time you read this, I'll have already talked to you about your last name. In fact, based on how often I've been explaining it to people lately, I am quite confident that it's something you're going to be asked about quite a lot.
In any case, I feel inspired to talk about it to you here. And who knows, maybe I'll do a better job explaining it here than I ever did in person!
As a general rule, when a man and woman are married, the woman gives up her last name and takes the last name of her husband. Then, any children who are born also take the last name of the husband. In some cases, the wife will keep her last name or will hyphenate it. For example, if your mother had decided to hyphenate, her last name would have been Mimikos-Godfrey. Yeah, that would have been a long one. When the mother hyphenates, the children usually get the hyphenated last name.
Obviously, with you, we didn't go with any of those options. When we married, your mother kept her last name. This was partially because she had built up a professional identity as Dr. Christina Mimikos. It was also partially because she really likes her name and the family that it represents. As you've met the Mimikos family by now, I am sure that you also like them.
When we got married, we didn't have any sort of discussion about what last name any children would have. That's because we didn't plan on having children. Your mother didn't have any idea at that point that this would change and that she would make me the luckiest man in the world for the second time (once when she married me, and then when you were born!)
After we decided that we wanted to bring a child into the world, we began to discuss your last name. Should we hyphenate? Should you be a Godfrey? Should you be a Mimikos?
It did not take long for me to realize that you should definitely be a Mimikos. As I mentioned before, it is an incredible family, and one that I am proud and happy to have become a part of. Also, despite the size of the family, there is only one boy with the last name Mimikos who could potentially pass on the name to another generation. It felt sad to me that such a great family would lose its name like that, and I knew that I would be proud to have my son carry on the name into the future.
To say the least, this decision was met with happiness by your mother and concern by everyone else in the world. Everyone who objected basically had the same concerns at the end of the day. It wasn't traditional. It wasn't done. It wasn't normal.
And they're right. I'm sure that we're not the ONLY family to ever do this, but it's rare enough that I haven't ever met anyone else who has done it.
I've already explained why I wanted you to be a Mimikos, But were those reasons really justification enough to buck such a long-standing tradition?
Yes. Yes, they were. But even more so when you consider the reason for the tradition.
Why do women take their husbands names? It dates back to a time when women weren't allowed to own property. They weren't allowed to vote. For all intents and purposes, they were the property of their husbands and the men of their husband's family. If the husband passed away, in most cases, the wife did not gain the property that he owned. She would simply be allowed to live out her life on the property and then all of it would pass to any male children or back to the closest male in the husband's family.
Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? It's a terrible time in the past, and one that still has repercussions in today's world. Women have harder times breaking into traditionally male careers (your Mom has stories about becoming a surgeon). Women make less money for doing the same jobs that men do. I could go on, but that's not what this post is really about.
What this post IS about is telling you that sometimes the right thing to do is to break tradition. Sometimes, without even realizing it, by continuing to follow a tradition, we are supporting something wrong. Now, I'm not saying that women who take their husband's names are giving up their rights to do so. I'm just saying that the tradition has no merit to me.
Liam, you are going to grow up in this world as a white male. Like me, you basically won the genetic lottery. Unless things have changed drastically by the time you read this (and, sadly, I know they haven't), you will walk through life with all sorts of privileges that women and people of other ethnic origins do not have. Oftentimes, like with this whole naming thing, they are hidden and invisible. These privileges don't make us bad people. They are just the realities of the world.
I hope that you'll take a little inspiration from your name and what it means. I hope that, in your life, you'll keep an open eye for things like this and do the right thing.
Your name is a little opportunity to talk about important things.
Your name represents a wonderful and loving family with deep roots.
Your name displays my love for the most loving, powerful, and gifted woman I have ever met.
Wear it with pride.
So, I imagine that by the time you read this, I'll have already talked to you about your last name. In fact, based on how often I've been explaining it to people lately, I am quite confident that it's something you're going to be asked about quite a lot.
In any case, I feel inspired to talk about it to you here. And who knows, maybe I'll do a better job explaining it here than I ever did in person!
As a general rule, when a man and woman are married, the woman gives up her last name and takes the last name of her husband. Then, any children who are born also take the last name of the husband. In some cases, the wife will keep her last name or will hyphenate it. For example, if your mother had decided to hyphenate, her last name would have been Mimikos-Godfrey. Yeah, that would have been a long one. When the mother hyphenates, the children usually get the hyphenated last name.
Obviously, with you, we didn't go with any of those options. When we married, your mother kept her last name. This was partially because she had built up a professional identity as Dr. Christina Mimikos. It was also partially because she really likes her name and the family that it represents. As you've met the Mimikos family by now, I am sure that you also like them.
When we got married, we didn't have any sort of discussion about what last name any children would have. That's because we didn't plan on having children. Your mother didn't have any idea at that point that this would change and that she would make me the luckiest man in the world for the second time (once when she married me, and then when you were born!)
After we decided that we wanted to bring a child into the world, we began to discuss your last name. Should we hyphenate? Should you be a Godfrey? Should you be a Mimikos?
It did not take long for me to realize that you should definitely be a Mimikos. As I mentioned before, it is an incredible family, and one that I am proud and happy to have become a part of. Also, despite the size of the family, there is only one boy with the last name Mimikos who could potentially pass on the name to another generation. It felt sad to me that such a great family would lose its name like that, and I knew that I would be proud to have my son carry on the name into the future.
To say the least, this decision was met with happiness by your mother and concern by everyone else in the world. Everyone who objected basically had the same concerns at the end of the day. It wasn't traditional. It wasn't done. It wasn't normal.
And they're right. I'm sure that we're not the ONLY family to ever do this, but it's rare enough that I haven't ever met anyone else who has done it.
I've already explained why I wanted you to be a Mimikos, But were those reasons really justification enough to buck such a long-standing tradition?
Yes. Yes, they were. But even more so when you consider the reason for the tradition.
Why do women take their husbands names? It dates back to a time when women weren't allowed to own property. They weren't allowed to vote. For all intents and purposes, they were the property of their husbands and the men of their husband's family. If the husband passed away, in most cases, the wife did not gain the property that he owned. She would simply be allowed to live out her life on the property and then all of it would pass to any male children or back to the closest male in the husband's family.
Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? It's a terrible time in the past, and one that still has repercussions in today's world. Women have harder times breaking into traditionally male careers (your Mom has stories about becoming a surgeon). Women make less money for doing the same jobs that men do. I could go on, but that's not what this post is really about.
What this post IS about is telling you that sometimes the right thing to do is to break tradition. Sometimes, without even realizing it, by continuing to follow a tradition, we are supporting something wrong. Now, I'm not saying that women who take their husband's names are giving up their rights to do so. I'm just saying that the tradition has no merit to me.
Liam, you are going to grow up in this world as a white male. Like me, you basically won the genetic lottery. Unless things have changed drastically by the time you read this (and, sadly, I know they haven't), you will walk through life with all sorts of privileges that women and people of other ethnic origins do not have. Oftentimes, like with this whole naming thing, they are hidden and invisible. These privileges don't make us bad people. They are just the realities of the world.
I hope that you'll take a little inspiration from your name and what it means. I hope that, in your life, you'll keep an open eye for things like this and do the right thing.
Your name is a little opportunity to talk about important things.
Your name represents a wonderful and loving family with deep roots.
Your name displays my love for the most loving, powerful, and gifted woman I have ever met.
Wear it with pride.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Hidden Stories
This is your second cousin Joe Young and his wife Dina. We just recently went to their wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful celebration of two people who are very clearly in love. I am sure that you will, at the time you read this, have some wonderful memories of them and probably lots of fun adventures with their children.
But I'm not writing this post just to talk about some of the wonderful people you'll have in your life.
I'm writing instead about something that I was reminded of at this wedding and in the picture above. Underneath that canopy at the back of the picture, there is a man that you can barely see. His name is Jeff Clark. Obviously, you wouldn't even know that he was in the picture if I hadn't pointed it out just now.
What this picture doesn't tell you is that Jeff Clark is Joe's stepdad. He came into Joe's life (marrying his mother) when Joe was pretty young and ended up playing a pretty big part in Joe's life. On this wedding day, I don't think it would have been possible for Jeff to be prouder. I watched him almost break down in tears on multiple occasions as he stood witness to the marriage of a young man who is a son to him in every way but biology. It brought me to tears myself.
I hope that you can take a little lesson from this, Liam. Looking at the surface of a place, a person, or a situation, you can never really know the whole story. There is always more going on behind the scenes that we can't understand unless we consciously take the time to.
So, when you're faced with a situation where someone makes you upset or does something that you disagree with, take a moment to reflect and wonder what pieces of the picture you're not seeing. There is probably something that you don't know that is influencing their reasoning and making their actions seem completely reasonable to them.
Love you lots little guy!
Dad
Monday, November 17, 2014
Another Road Trip... and love.
Liam,
I am heading off today on another road trip for work. I don't like leaving you and your mom, but it's for a good purpose. This time I am going to Chicago to run some training sessions. I've got 15 Ford executives who signed up to watch me in action tomorrow! Belatedly, wish me luck!
But this post isn't about the road trip itself.
This post is about what you can do when you love someone.
Some day, you'll fall in love with someone. And some day, you'll fall in love with someone who loves you, too.
When you do, and when that person decides to make the plunge and spend the rest of their life with you, you will experience ups and downs. Not every day is paradise, though when it's right more often than not they are.
Always remember to take the time to make little gestures to let that person know how much you care about them. It can be easy to take someone special for granted, but life is just so much better when you force yourself not to. Remember that we all have insecurities and that we can all get a little positive bump from even the smallest signs that the person we love still feels that way about us.
For example, I am going to be gone for a few days, so I left a bunch of little notes for your mom. They're all just little things, but she'll find them from time to time while I'm gone and they'll remind her how much I would rather be home continuing to share my life with her.
So remember that! And make surethe person you love knows how much you care!
I am heading off today on another road trip for work. I don't like leaving you and your mom, but it's for a good purpose. This time I am going to Chicago to run some training sessions. I've got 15 Ford executives who signed up to watch me in action tomorrow! Belatedly, wish me luck!
But this post isn't about the road trip itself.
This post is about what you can do when you love someone.
Some day, you'll fall in love with someone. And some day, you'll fall in love with someone who loves you, too.
When you do, and when that person decides to make the plunge and spend the rest of their life with you, you will experience ups and downs. Not every day is paradise, though when it's right more often than not they are.
Always remember to take the time to make little gestures to let that person know how much you care about them. It can be easy to take someone special for granted, but life is just so much better when you force yourself not to. Remember that we all have insecurities and that we can all get a little positive bump from even the smallest signs that the person we love still feels that way about us.
For example, I am going to be gone for a few days, so I left a bunch of little notes for your mom. They're all just little things, but she'll find them from time to time while I'm gone and they'll remind her how much I would rather be home continuing to share my life with her.
Monday, September 29, 2014
A tough week...
Liam,
At this point in your little, tiny life, you're not really in a position to appreciate what is going on around you. By the time you read this, though, it should make some sense to you. So, I wanted to post about it here to give you a little look into a good life lesson.
Shortly before you were born, we wanted to get a bigger, safer vehicle to herald your arrival. Since I was working for a big dealership group at the time, we were able to get an incredible deal on your mom's dream car... a big 2012 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland.
Here's a picture of it getting ready to move us to Buffalo:
At this point in your little, tiny life, you're not really in a position to appreciate what is going on around you. By the time you read this, though, it should make some sense to you. So, I wanted to post about it here to give you a little look into a good life lesson.
Shortly before you were born, we wanted to get a bigger, safer vehicle to herald your arrival. Since I was working for a big dealership group at the time, we were able to get an incredible deal on your mom's dream car... a big 2012 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland.
Here's a picture of it getting ready to move us to Buffalo:
Here's a picture of you behind the wheel:
Sadly, the truck was stolen last week. Now, normally, when your car is stolen, insurance kicks in and replaces it for you. It's a little annoying, but not such a big deal. Unfortunately, these aren't normal times. You see, with her new job, your mom doesn't drive very much at all. Plus, we can't get such a great deal again since I'm in a different type of job. So, we had to make a tough decision and not get such a wonderful new truck for your mom.
To make things even worse, this is the same week that we had to give up your "puppy brother" for adoption. We've had Finnegan for 5 years and he's been a really special part of our family. Plus, you love him. But he didn't take downtown city living well and we've been getting complaints from the neighbors.
Both of us are taking it pretty hard, Weebs, and your mom worse than me.
So, I wanted to write this little post to let you know that sometimes life is going to throw you curveballs. Sometimes, it's going to seem like everything is just completely unfair.
But the most important thing for you to remember through it all is that you have people in your life that love you and who will always be there to help you in every way they can.
So, remember that when tough things come your way. I called my mom while all this was going on and she had some great words of encouragement to make me feel better. Your mom and I will always be just a phonecall away when you feel down and you need us.
Just like your mom and I worked through this, you will work through your own problems. And, honestly, you'll be a stronger person for them.
I'm sure that, right now, there is a beautiful truck parked in our driveway that your mom uses to drive you back and forth to who-knows-where. And you probably have some wonderful play time memories of your new puppy brother.
We love you, Liam. Always remember that.
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